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[personal profile] greyorder: This account is a roleplaying account.
greyorder: (Poised)

Oh, Where Do We Begin?

The Rubble Or Our Sins?

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Created on 2016-01-30 00:33:32 (#2484602), last updated 2017-04-14 (23 weeks ago)

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Name:Kylo Ren // Ben Solo
Birthdate:Mar 5
From within the First Order, the Light Side of the Force was able to get through to Kylo Ren. He decided to ruin it from within once he gained enough power. But the Dark Side energy corrupted him again, crashing over him like a wave and making him ditch the plan until Han showed up. The struggle in him was calmed, if only temporarily, by the knowledge that despite what he thought he was of some value. His faith in the Light Side of the Force's power was aided by seeing Rey's remarkable amount of power, which she wielded without the manipulative teachings and guidance it had taken to get him to a similar level. Finally believing there was another way this story could end, he gave his father his lightsaber, and went with him peacefully, if not without much unresolved conflict inside.

Upon switching sides, however, Kylo found he had lost access to the Force. Knights Of The Old Republic established it was possible to, if you did too many Light Side and Dark Side things in the same span of time, lose access to both dark and light powers alike. Kylo's own behavior cut him off. It isn't possible to be in the grey and be able to wield the Force as he is now. He still has too much anger at being shipped off to train with Luke, feels the betrayal of forcing down loneliness and training as a Jedi when no one had ever asked him if that was the path he wanted his life to take. He cannot access the Light Side of the Force. And yet he has too much love and regret and guilt to return to doing what he did with the Dark Side of the Force.

How was he to carry on? This was his reward for doing the right thing - to be set back to nothing? All his life his worth was measured by his abilities as a Force user, by Luke, by his parents, by Lord Snoke, by the First Order - his entire identity was based upon the Force. Without it, who was he? Whatever it took to regain his power, he will do it, not for power's sake as Kylo Ren would have, but to help undo the unfathomable damage he has done to the galaxy. He has no idea how to fully find the Light again, though after six months of searching it more earnestly than he ever had before, he has had some of his Force powers restored to him, and he has taken that as a sign he is truly on the path to redemption.

He is not free wholly of the temptation to go back to the Dark, nor is he entirely able to understand the Light after all that has transpired, but he has become more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren, and with time, perhaps the last vestiges of all that Snoke tried to forge him into can be purged from him, and he can become a Jedi Knight of a kind of his own making.
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