How Do You Romance (Closed to Momma Leia)

[greyorder]

Ben's life since he got back has been confusing. There are a lot of issues to work through, most of them fairly serious, and he's been working hard at his self-mandated task of redeeming himself fully. He and Uncle Luke can be in a room together briefly, which is a plus, he and Finn have graduated to something approaching awkward friendship, and Han has fallen back into snarking with his son as they work on the Falcon's latest breakdown. The Force is returning to Ben, albeit not at the pace he'd prefer, and his new lightsaber has given him chances to work with Rey on her skills there - she's extremely talented, simply used to using a staff instead, so the techniques are different. He goes to military briefings with his mother and pours out all the First Order's dirty little secrets in extreme detail regularly.

Nobody told him about the unexpected difficulty of being human again, not being Kylo Ren, full time monster. Ben Organa-Solo (he loves his mother enough to take a dual surname), non-monster, guy-with-Force-powers? That's a role he's never been less certain how to fill. So he gravitated towards Poe, who knew him before and whose forgiveness has been critical in restoring Ben's ability to believe in himself, and Rey, who will simply call Ben out when he's being too hard on himself because she does not believe in mincing words. They're good friends.

Friends who he's slept curled up against. Friends who he's held onto tightly and wanted to kiss. Friends who he's had dreams about he tried to ignore because Jedi are supposed to be celibate. The entire galaxy would have been better off if Anakin Skywalker never got involved with anyone. Ben has been viewed as Vader's second coming enough to be hesitant about the mere idea of this. But it's not going away, so he had to call upon the only impartial judge he knew who had some Force knowledge and some idea about romance: his mother.

He found her in the common room again, fiddling with a datapad, Poe's nightmare caf in a mug by her side. "Are, uh. Are you busy?" This can wait. Ben both needs and does not want this conversation in equal measure.

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[motherofresistance]

Leia smiled warmly at how Ben described his partners. "And yet, out of all the eligible young people on base, they both chose you," she said. "You're the one they want, flaws and all, knowing that you don't have as much time or romantic skill to offer as others probably do. Because they love all of you; not just the bright, shiny, undamaged parts. Take my advice and just give them what you can, when you can; I know they'll appreciate it."

She chuckled at BB-8's antics. "So that's what that was all about," Leia said. "I was wondering why Jessika looked so amused this morning when BB-8 rolled through."

"And I don't know," she said, clearly kidding, "we could certainly use a few more people that clever on our side."

[greyorder]

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Were you ever this nervous, when you and Father were coming together? I know secondhand from Master Luke that at first, Father was convinced he was under your notice, but you were all working hard at taking the Empire down and so you had to interact. Father also tells things as if Lando nearly took your affections, although I can never tell where his grousing ends and the truth begins." The fact his parents had made it through those tough times regardless did give him hope, though. They had been from as different parts of the known galaxy as could be achieved in terms of wealth, culture and upbringing, but here they were all these years later.

"BB-8 is remarkably convincing at acting, despite lacking facial expressions. We should have the droid start teaching lessons in espionage."

Ben paused. When he spoke, his voice was a mixture of emotions: hope, uncertainty, something like raw amazement. "I had a vision. A child is in my future. I could not tell how old I was, only that somehow they had light colored hair and favored the baby blanket Uncle Chewie got me in my own infancy. It feels like tempting fate," he admitted, vulnerability in his eyes, "to dare to speak of it. I have not told Poe or Rey yet. Neither has ever made note of a desire to have children, and the child does not resemble either of them. Were I not witness to my older self holding the baby and calling him my son, my white-kyber - his hair was truly that shade of blonde - I would not have guessed him to be mine. Though he does," here, he snorted with self-derision, "get my large ears. Pity the child."

[motherofresistance]

Leia thought back, trying to recall her exact thoughts and feelings from that time unfiltered by current affections. "Yes," she said. "Your father was attractive and infuriating all at once and I had no idea how to handle it, which meant I usually reacted defensively. Then there'd be an argument and one or both of us would storm off, which was how things tended to go for the first few years."

"Then we wound up stuck together on the Falcon and suddenly that sort of retreat wasn't an option. Close quarters meant that we had to face each other, and I had to face how I felt, which was more than a little frightening. I was trembling the first time it looked like he was going to kiss me, much as I tried to deny it. Then he actually did." She smiled at the memory. What a kiss that had been! "The moment after, I didn't know what to say or do, but then suddenly 3P0 came in, jabbering something about the reverse power couplings, and I took the opportunity to flee the room. There's really no other way to describe it; I straight out fled because I was so overwhelmed. From the glimpse I got on the way out, your father looked about ready to dismantle 3P0 for the interruption; he might actually have done it if we hadn't still need him to help with repairs."

"Ultimately, being stuck together on the Falcon for more than six weeks while trying to get to Besbin at sublight gave us time to get beyond that," she said. "By the time we got there, Lando frankly didn't have a chance. He was and is very charming, but it was the sort of charm that I could tell that he was very used to using to get what he wanted. I didn't know how much was genuine and how much was just flattery, but it was enough that I didn't trust him. You don't spend as much time in politics as I have without learning to recognize when someone is a little too smooth, a little too generous, a little too eager for you to be at ease in their presence; I knew he was hiding something." And of course he had been, as they both knew, though Lando had redeemed himself later.

Leia blinked in surprise at the revelation of Ben's vision, before her expression faded into something more thoughtful. A child... and a grandchild for her. She couldn't help but smile slightly at the last bit though. "My ears too, don't forget," she said. "And Luke's hair was lighter when he was younger, though I don't think it was ever quite to that degree. It's also possible that the child could be adopted, since you said he didn't resemble either Poe or Rey; the ears could just be a coincidence."